Survivors’ Advice

Karla, a survivor whose story you read at the beginning of this chapter, told me, “You
have to like and trust your doctor.” Her new doctor “actually calls me at home to see
how I’m feeling when I haven’t called him.” Choosing your medical team is a bit like
choosing your husband. It’s a long-term relationship for better or worse, through sick-
ness and health. So it’s a crucial decision. Your medical team, however, unlike your
husband, isn’t much interested in granting you special wishes. Don’t expect roses on
your birthday. On the other hand, as in any marriage, you can put up with a few
dirty socks on the floor or late nights at the office as long as the overall results work
okay. Your medical team may have some quirks, too (don’t we all?); but if you’re
happy with the overall results, you can probably live with the rest. Nobody’s perfect.
Not everyone seeks out doctors and surgeons on her
own, and not everyone goes for a second opinion,
much less a third. For example, my own surgeon is
a prince of a guy. My primary care provider recom-
mended him to me, and I liked him the minute I met
him. He’s young—30-something—so my only concern
was that maybe he lacked experience. But my hus-
band and I learned that he is a breast cancer specialist,
works out of the local hospital–affiliated breast center,
and is highly respected by others in the specialty.
During appointments, he always gives my husband
and me every minute we need; he answers lists of
questions, sometimes more than once; he never talks
down to us, never tries to sugarcoat the facts, never
skirts an issue. He suggested I might be more comfort-
able with a second opinion; he recommended I see a
radiation oncologist before surgery; and I followed his
recommendations. Meanwhile, I talked to other sur-
vivors, read and checked everything he said against
what I heard and read. It all fit. I felt comfortable.
Who knows why he’s so good at his job. Maybe it’s
learned behavior. His mother is a breast cancer sur-
vivor.
Some survivors have found unusual criteria by which
to judge their medical teams. One woman is con-
vinced that when the medical folks involved her in
what was happening at the moment—what the new
procedure was about, how it would be done, what
would happen next—that she had just enough of a
distraction that she experienced less pain.
Another woman blames her surgeon for literally
promising her that her lump was benign. She had ab-
solutely no preparation for the malignancy. If the sur-
geon had been more objective, she’s convinced she
would have experienced far less emotional turmoil.
Still another survivor complained about the lack of
personal contact from her medical oncologist, that
she was made to feel like just another body getting
the medical recipe of the day. But another survivor
shrugged off the whole idea. After all, she said, the
doctors know more than she does.
Take It or Leave It
We’ve rattled on with advice about choosing your medical team and about second
and third opinions, but the truth of the matter is, you must do whatever makes you
comfortable. If you don’t want to deal with second opinions and feel that your rec-
ommended surgeon is just fine, go with it. If you can’t face up to checking out alter-
native medical folks, don’t add further stress to your already catapulting world.
You have to do what makes you most comfortable.