What’s Good for the Goose …

When it’s time to start thinking about how to inform
your loved ones, try to figure out how much—in
general—you want to relate about having breast cancer.
Then decide the point of view you’ll take when telling
particular individuals in your life. You probably won’t
say the same things in the same ways to your partner
and to your children, for instance, or to your best friend
and to your co-worker. Let’s explore the general consid-
erations first.
Finding the Words and Voice
How do I tell them? When do I tell them? What do I
say? Do I get them together or tell them separately? Can
I do this by myself? Where can I find someone to help
me?
These are just a few of the questions that will run through your mind, and you may
feel a desperate need for answers for them. You have to find the words and the voice
before you begin to share with those who you care for and who care for you. One
idea is to write down what you’re going to say and then read it back to yourself out
loud. This method might help you to judge the impact of your words and gain some
composure when you say them to others.
There are several key elements that may help you sort things out and give you a
good, solid head start:
➤ Accept your emotions. To say that you will be upset is an understatement. Let’s
face it: You’ve just learned that you have breast cancer. This is an emotional
time.
➤ Compose yourself. Take whatever strength you need to calm yourself before
you tell others. If you’re out of control emotionally, your friends and family will
be, too. If you’re terrified, they will be, too.
Needless to say, there’s no benefit in spread-
ing panic and fear at this point.
➤ Reach out for support. If you have any
doubt about how to approach telling others,
seek help from members of a support group
who can give you some suggestions on how
to break the news. (See Chapters 17, “Group-
ies: Yea or Nay?” and 19, “Support Tools,”
and Appendix E, “Informational Web Sites.”)
➤ Get a handle on vocabulary. Determine
what terminology you want to use with oth-
ers. If the word “cancer” is too direct and
scary, try words like illness, malignancy,
tumor, or even problem. Tailor your words to
whom you are speaking. A child may under-
stand “Mommy’s sick” better than “Mommy
has cancer.”
With these basics out of the way, let’s proceed to
more general information poin